15 Minutes of Pain

15 Minutes of Pain 30 – I want a DEEP FRIED FISHY

youtubeMatt has impressive tackle and a sturdy rod, but he always fails to impress with tiddlers. But enough about his personal life, because there are far more amusing ways to put his dignity on the line, like making him play the PC conversion of Sega Bass Fishing – an old Dreamcast game which required a motion sensor – using a standard controller. Hooray for Humble Bundles!

NOBODY LIKES YOU, OWL! – Drunk Horror Episode 2 (One Night At Flumpty’s 2, PC)

youtube“If your light’s turned off then you’re safe (Or are you?)! If your lights are on, then they’ll come find you and rip you a brand new face!”

Three sheets to the wind and with no idea what’s going on, a very sweary and terrified Matt revisits a yolksy nightmare as, armed only with his diminished wits and a bottle of reasonably-priced tequila, he faces off against the twisty Flumpty Dumpty in spoof-sequel One Night At Flumpty’s 2.

15 Minutes of Pain 28 – Taste My Dead Dog! (Spelunky – PS4)

youtubeMatt pops on his fedora (the official adventuring kind, not the OK Cupid douchebag kind), straps on his trusty whip and lights a torch to go exploring in some procedurally-generated catacombs. Riches (loose change), fame (everything’s trying to kill him) and an epic adventure (everything succeeds in killing him) are all for the taking as 15 Minutes of Pain encounters the instantly-classic Spelunky!

15 Minutes of Pain 26 – Dragon Spooge

youtubeGrab a bottle of Rolling Rock, slip on your white shirt and armour up with a pocket protector – Matt may not be famous enough to have any fan games based on his exploits, but as luck would have it there IS a game based on another YouTuber who gets ranty and sweary whilst he plays terrible games. Will Angry Video Game Nerd  Adventures be a wry satire of the awful fodder that forms James Rolfe’s playlist? Or is it just as bad as the titles it lampoons?

15 Minutes of Pain 25 – I Did A Splat

youtubeMatt turns to his bloated Steam library – replete to bursting with games he can’t remember buying, and which he’s beginning to think are breeding – and finds indie BASE jumping simulator AaAaAA!!! – A Reckless Disregard for Gravity. It’s a good job that he’s trained Richard Cobbett on Viscera Cleanup Detail, because it’s going to need one hell of a janitor to clean up this mess. And what’s with the puppet?

15 Minutes of Pain 24 – Tea & Jeopardy

youtubeHe’s failed at surgery. He’s failed at making toast. He’s failed at being a goat, a suicidal pig and a drunken security guard. But now Matt faces his greatest challenge yet – a challenge which will take all of his skill, wit and co-ordination. Mr. Ted craves tea and biccies, and there’s only one hapless hero who can provide them: welcome to the hell of Tea Party Simulator.

15 Minutes of Pain 23 – I’m Not Having Any Foxy Business

youtubeBecause you demanded it – and because Matt generally bows to peer pressure – the time has finally come: Matt is playing Five Nights At Freddy’s. But being the somewhat cowardly soul that he is, he’s decided to partake of a little liquid courage beforehand, so witness now as an incredibly drunken fool accepts the terrifying night guard position at Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza! WARNING: Contains swearing. A LOT of swearing. No, seriously. A drunk, frightened Matt is a sweary Matt.

15 Minutes of Pain 20 – I’d Better Be Getting Paid For This

youtubeA long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, LucasArts thought that it might be a good idea to give Tekken a Star Wars makeover and release their own fighting game for the PlayStation – a game which, thanks to One More Go alumnus Aaron Darlington, Matt now feels compelled to play. Unfortunately for him, however, there’s no ghostly Obi-Wan to provide advice, so it’s just him, his wits and his trusty Hufflesaber against a galaxy in turmoil. May the Force be with him… or at the very least some rudimentary fighting skills.

15 Minutes of Pain 16 – I’m In Pig Hell

youtubeMatt’s had an interesting week full of technical fail – but when the going gets tough, the tough head on to Steam and find a game that costs £0.09! And so witness, dear viewer, as your cordial host gets to grips with a porcine death wish in the most frustrating level design since I Am Bread with Android puzzle conversion Squishy The Suicidal Pig. On the plus side, however… a new Corpsey!

15 Minutes of Pain 13 – Sweet Baby Jesus, Save Me

youtubeMatt bows to public demand, risking both his nerves and his clean underpants, and delves once more into the world of horror gaming. The challenge makes Slenderman’s woods practically comforting; our hapless hero must journey into the terrifying containment cell of a creature known only as SCP-087-B, his only goal to get as far into the labyrinthine maze as possible. Can he pull it off in his usual stoic manner? Or will he receive complaints about shattered eardrums?

15 Minutes of Pain 12 – Why Are You So Broken, Ripley?

youtubeAt the suggestion of a former podcasting colleague – likely making it some form of petty revenge – Matt travels back to the 16-bit era and attempts to pass the first level of film-licensed Megadrive platformer Alien 3. You have to feel for those double-Y chromo boys… marooned on an inhospitable prison planet, thousands of light years from civilisation and trapped with a homicidal alien life form, and their own hope for salvation is a bearded nerd in a Hufflepuff hat…

15 Minutes of Pain 11 – Bearded S**t Whippet

youtubeYes, more zombies being shot – but this time they’re being shot with the greatest weapon of all – filthy, grotty smut! Matt attempts to face down the horrors of Typing of the Dead armed with the Filth DLC pack, accepting that whilst he might not survive the game thanks to all the giggling he will at the very least add a few choice new phrases to his already expansive lexicon of epithets…

15 Minutes of Pain 10 – Slendy’s Gonna Get Me

youtubeIf you go down to the woods today you’re sure of a big surprise… because Matt’s left behind a pair of incredibly full underpants. Yes, like a masochistic court jester he’s decided to do something incredibly unpleasant to himself in the name of entertainment and play his first horror game – the infamous creepypasta-influenced “Slender: The Eight Pages”. Will he bravely face down the terrifying Slenderman and collect the eight journal pages that assure his freedom? Or will he dissolve into a blubbering, whimpering mess and shatter your eardrums with his surprisingly high-pitched screams? Probably the former, right?

15 Minutes of Pain 09 – Nobody Said That There Would Be Spiders

youtubeMatt tumbles head-first into surreal cartoon wilderness survival game Don’t Starve. Can he possibly live to see the dawn of another day without supplies, without tools, without shelter and – perhaps more importantly – without a volleyball with which to create a suave and witty companion? Or is he destined to be eaten in the dark by a Grue? One thing’s for certain: as survivalists go he’s less Bear Grylls and more Burt Gummer (but without the guns).

15 Minutes of Pain 05 – Copyright Nightmare

youtubeWhat’s the one thing better than a zombie game? A zombie game loaded with a ridiculous number of mods! Matt resumes his war against the legions of the undead with Left 4 Dead 2, and this time (thankfully) Clements’ diseased colon is nowhere in sight; instead, however, he has to rely on Deadpool’s shoddy aim, capture the Master Sword and endure the unmitigated terror of the Cookie Monster. Let’s just hope he doesn’t get slapped with a stupendous lawsuit…

15 Minutes of Pain 00 (Pilot) – It Never Gets Any Easier

youtube15 Minutes of Pain
: one game, one clueless gamer, no instruction manual and only fifteen minutes to figure out what’s going on! In the pilot episode, Matt attempts open heart surgery with a bare minimum of knowledge, a complete absence of training and patience and all the steadiness of a neck massager on a roller-coaster as he attempts to get to grips with Surgeon Simulator. What could possibly go wrong?