Whilst Richard is off doing important journalisty-type-things Matt is joined by the now-infamous indie developer Resulka to play Dead Island and drag the ongoing conversation from “puppets in abusive relationships” to “highly trained snakes”. Can her antipodal charm bring a touch of class to the proceedings? Or will it just be a mess of crude…
Three sheets to the wind and with no idea what’s going on, a very sweary and terrified Matt revisits a yolksy nightmare as, armed only with his diminished wits and a bottle of reasonably-priced tequila, he faces off against the twisty Flumpty Dumpty in spoof-sequel One Night At Flumpty’s 2.
Because you demanded it – and because Matt generally bows to peer pressure – the time has finally come: Matt is playing Five Nights At Freddy’s. But being the somewhat cowardly soul that he is, he’s decided to partake of a little liquid courage beforehand, so witness now as an incredibly drunken fool accepts the terrifying night guard position at Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza! WARNING: Contains swearing. A LOT of swearing. No, seriously. A drunk, frightened Matt is a sweary Matt.
Matt bows to public demand, risking both his nerves and his clean underpants, and delves once more into the world of horror gaming. The challenge makes Slenderman’s woods practically comforting; our hapless hero must journey into the terrifying containment cell of a creature known only as SCP-087-B, his only goal to get as far into the labyrinthine maze as possible. Can he pull it off in his usual stoic manner? Or will he receive complaints about shattered eardrums?
If you go down to the woods today you’re sure of a big surprise… because Matt’s left behind a pair of incredibly full underpants. Yes, like a masochistic court jester he’s decided to do something incredibly unpleasant to himself in the name of entertainment and play his first horror game – the infamous creepypasta-influenced “Slender: The Eight Pages”. Will he bravely face down the terrifying Slenderman and collect the eight journal pages that assure his freedom? Or will he dissolve into a blubbering, whimpering mess and shatter your eardrums with his surprisingly high-pitched screams? Probably the former, right?